While I think that wine consumption is both necessary and fun, I have recently come to the conclusion that judging people is possibly detrimental to both myself and those I am judging. Being an excellent judger, I have many types:
1. Parent Choices Judging. This topic is rife with sensitivity and always leads to the other person, if they become aware of your judgment, feeling like you think they are a bad parent. Before I had a child and saw a mom letting her kid get into things while struggling to pay for an item at the grocery store, I always judged. I thought when I had a kid, I would never let them get into the candy that is EXACTLY EYE LEVEL of your child, by design. But now that I have a toddler, I will let him touch the candies and may actually (gasp) buy him one if it gets me through the line faster. Sometimes, you need to give a little to get a toddler that is not having a melt down in the middle of a store.
Now to the more touchy subject of watching my friends parent. I have judged. I know I have been judged. But, I promise to be more kind in my thoughts and respectful in the fact that you are doing what you need to based on the needs of your child, family and beliefs. It will make me a better person and friend, so I am really doing it for selfish reasons. As always, it's about me.
2. Fashion Choices Judging. OMG...so many things to judge. I am literally salivating at the prospect of judging people for fashion.
I googled "awful fashion choices" and these are some of the highlights. If I remove my knee jerk judging hat, you know what strikes me? They look happy. They like their choices. So why do I need to judge them just because that is not the choice I would make?
3. Relationship Judging. I have had ups and downs in my relationship. We all have. This type of judging is "I would NEVER stand for that in MY relationship" or, conversely, "Why doesn't my spouse do that awesome thing that someone else's does?" When I compare my relationship to another, all I am really doing is either setting myself up for feeling better or worse. And in the case of feeling better, it is hollow because the person I am judging is a friend. So why do I do this? I NEED TO STOP.
4. Stuff Judging. I love nice things. But, when I compare myself to anyone, I can always think of at least one of their "things" that I want. It could be a house, a location, a car, a tomato plant that is not going cray cray like mine. Seriously, it is taking over my garden. More on that in another blog. In the end, it makes me feel like shit.
5. Treat Yo Self Judging. This is similar to stuff judging, but it is more like "why did that person spend all that money on THAT." Every once in a while, everyone should treat themselves with whatever blows their skirt up. Designer handbags your jam? Buy one. Into expensive whiskey? Get it. But these items are treats, not regular occurrences.
6. Body Judging. This is a treasure trove of emotional self abuse and judgement. Sometimes I see someone and think "am I as fat as her?" Sometimes I see someone and say I wish I could wear that or SHE SHOULD NOT WEAR THAT (see #2). I judge myself and I judge others constantly about this. This is probably the hardest part of my no judge quest. This could be an entire blog, so I will end it here.
Don't get me wrong, I do not intend to roll back my judging entirely. It is as big a part of my life as sarcasm and, as mentioned, wine. However, at least being self aware of this is a step in the right direction. One favor I ask of you, friends, is to simply remind me not to judge if you hear me going there. I think I will be a happier person if I don't go down that road as often.
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